Godmother

In other news, Lora is now so in love with Charlie the beautiful redhead and living the life of a full-on Brighton lesbian, that she is now talking about getting married. 

I am of course incredibly happy for her (and I temper this happiness by seeking assurances that I can join them in all-girl threesomes whenever I am selfish enough to demand them) and I have been looking at nice dresses and fascinators in anticipation of the day being set.

There’s a small bit of grit in the oyster-shell of loveliness in that Lora continues to be very broody. Personally I think she’ll be a completely awful mother, if either woman are able to show natural maternal instincts it’s more likely to be Charlie, but whatever! 

Lora wants Ted to get her pregnant. Ted is quite happy with the concept of being the father of Lora and Charlie’s child, but he doesn’t want to do it in a turkey-baster style. Being Irish, he says that it’s the same with racehorses, the stallion has to service the mare. I can see where he’s coming from. But that’s largely because I reckon that if he is going to insist on fucking her to get her knocked up I know that I will be involved somewhere along the line.

What this all means is that Lora watches her calendar religiously and summons the Irishman to her place when she is ovulating. Originally it meant candles and romance (albeit with myself and Charlie enjoying the spectacle in a randy-bitch-trying-not-get-involved kind of way) but as yet she hasn’t conceived.

Ted has been to a clinic in Harley Street and had a wank into a petri-dish, so we know there’s nothing wrong with his semen. It’s just a matter of time. And that means that once a month, Lora gets fucked stupid in her bedroom while I have my wicked way with Charlie in front of the telly downstairs while they're at it.

The things I do to become a Godmother eh?