Mediterranean Harpy

Alice’s relationship with the Italian lesbian waitress raged for nearly all of 2013. 

I didn’t like her because I think she’s fat, ugly and charmless, but that was probably mostly fuelled by me being dreadfully jealous of their friendship. I chatted to Alice on the phone all summer and did my best to avoid telling her that her girlfriend is a horrible witch and that she could do much better (by that I meant me) but Lora and Charlie the beautiful redhead agreed with me that Alice was wasting her charms on the Mediterranean harpy.

I got so jealous that, with Lora’s blessing I invited myself to Brighton one weekend and then brazenly invited myself into Alice’s bedroom. I weaselled my way into Alice’s bed, got onto my knees and offered my cunt to the waitress on the condition that I could go down on the pixie-haired object of my desire while the Italian witch fucked me with a strap-on.

Although tasting Alice’s cunt again was one of the highlights of my summer, I failed to separate them and reclaim the girl I introduced to Lezzie sex-action as my own.

In the morning, after Alice and her lover had gone out, I went to Lora’s room and simply burst into floods of tears. I still would be sobbing now if they hadn’t comforted me with a threesome that lasted all of Sunday.